1.  

  2. March 25ish

    You told me you miss my writing
    Honestly I miss it too.
    I’m sorry but putting these horrible thoughts into words isn’t going to benefit anybody
    No one wants to read about how much art school costs
    No one wants to hear about how much I hate myself
    No one cares about another depressed teenager
    You know what they say

    If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it. And I can’t seem to find one nice thing

     

  3. March 28

    Beyond the mountains I saw you
    Crouched down with your mother collecting flowers by a pile of debris.
    It was a summer day and it smelled like honeysuckles and you glanced up and you saw me starting at you from across a field. And I knew. I knew you were it and you were everything. and I knew you were mine forever and I knew. I knew one day I’d watch you from down the aisle with a bouquet of those same flowers. Or lavender. But that’s not important.

     

  4. slam!!!!!

    TO BOYS:

    we know we are beautiful
    there is no need to yell it at us
    your “compliments” on the street do not flatter us

    "what are you doing later baby?"
    nothing with you, thats for sure.
    have you no self-control?

    we deserve more than a whistle from a window
    or a wink from a gas station worker.
    we are not cats, please do not call us “kitten” or “baby”

    we do not appreciate your sexual assault on the street.

    do not eye me up, i am not an object; a sculpture.
    i am a piece of art though,
    just not for your viewing.

    keep your hands to yourself, do not touch me
    keep your eyes and hands off of me.
    keep your compliments to yourself.
    we know we are beautiful.


    TO GIRLS:

    do not feel obliged to except those compliments
    we don’t need them to validate our self-worth
    if anything you should be offended

    men who call you from the street deserve no gratification for their actions

    not IF a man called you from the street but WHEN,
    feel the need to act
    call him names
    shoot the finger
    or use choice words
    HE deserves them.

    you DON’T deserve these words,
    no matter what clothes you have on.
    showing skin is not a justifiable reason for this.

    it may make him think twice next time he tries to victimize a girl.

    dont be offended if you get called a bitch,take it as a compliment.
    most men cant handle a strong woman anyway.

    we are to be feared, revered, respected, and honored.
    not lured, belittled, or obtained.

    stand up for yourself.
    being submissive is overrated.
    wear red lipstick to show you mean business. or don’t! its up to you!
    the patriarchy does not determine your decisions, you do.

    be yourself
    be bold
    be beautiful
    but most importantly,
    be WOMAN.

     

  5. oct 19

    train whistles sound like dial tones
    and remind of the ones i heard
    for hours a night
    when i couldn’t decide
    if i should’ve call you or not
    just to talk, and tell you i missed you

     

  6. oct 15

    grab my stomach fat
    glance in the mirror
    i dont deserve this punishment

    i keep telling myself that someone will love every pound of me
    and they will tell me im beautiful
    but i am starting to lose hope

    my curves would be nicer
    if they werent so curvy
    maybe less extreme curves

    no one sees big girls
    pull off the looks i try
    but i give up

    i am in between chubby and fat
    which is a difficult weight

    will anyone love a fat girl without having it being weird? also, why does my weight fetishize me?

    i hate my body but im learning to deal with it
    because i sure as hell cant lose the weight

     

  7. oct 15

    so far i have smoked 5 cigarettes
    one for every time you told me
    you loved me

    i am not stopping there
    because i am now empty
    and i want to fill my spaces with toxins

    release the fumes into my body
    and i keep all the butts
    just like i kept everything you ever bought me

    maybe when i kick this habit i will burn them all
    just like i burned everything you ever gave me

    i am scarred and i will never be the same
    so i will smoke away my sorrows and kill all my demons with nicotine

     
  8. went shooting with a friend today, these are my iphone shots
    love me

     

  9. oct 14

    i don’t mind early mornings
    but i like late nights better

    i like that most people have given up on the day and gone to bed
    but you haven’t
    you have outlived them
    and you are practically capable of anything now

    everything is vacant
    and the moonlight shines
    on the cold empty sidewalk

    i feel free when i am cloaked in twilight,
    darkness hides my face
    and insecurities
    no one notices me

    but i can still be alive
    there is a sense of mischief
    even when obeying the law
    at 2 am

    alone on a set of stairs at night
    i watch the cars whiz by
    on the street in front of me

    i am present but hidden by the stars and the moon and the chilly breezes that happen at this hour
     
  10.  

  11. oct 13 - my first pack

    i carry around a pack of cigarettes
    im afraid if i light one, i will never be able to stop

    when i get addicted to this release, i will die.
    my death will not be soon enough
    i dont want to waste 50 years waiting for death

    i did it, i lit one

    cancer sticks, they called them
    roll the pack in my sleeve
    like my pop used to

    they burn so bad
    but thats how i know its working
    thats how i know theyre killing me

     

  12. oct 9

    blood is scary
    trickle down my leg
    i feel nothing
    i am numb and feel none of this
    in a daze
    crippling depression
    death

     

  13. oct 9

    box me in
    hold me down
    beat me up
    kill my hope
    shoot an arrow through creativity hold my individuality on a stake for all to gawk
    leave maybe
    let me go
    let me express myself
    put out my fire of uniqueness
    kill it all
    turn it off
    no restart
    nothing
    black screen
    emptiness

     

  14.  

  15. im here
    in a waiting room
    at the crisis center

    tori i hope u read this
    i beat u, im in the hospital first

    the school told me parents
    ive been cutting

    my mom cried and my dad wants to help

    i am waiting for name to be called
    the same name printed on my hospital band

    my parents are so disappointed in me

    i didnt think i could get any worse, but apparently it just did.